Forgive and Forget?

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. It is a poison that can kill. The enemy, Satan, comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Unforgiveness can give him a foothold in your life.

'The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.' John 10:10

As with many things in life, complete surrender to God is the answer. Complete trust in Him. A commonly misquoted verse in the Bible is “Vengeance is mine.” Well, people frequently leave out the next line “thus sayeth the Lord”. It is “vengeance is mine. Thus sayeth the Lord.”

"Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." Romans 12:19

“'Vengeance is Mine, and recompense; Their foot shall slip in due time; For the day of their calamity is at hand, And the things to come hasten upon them.’ 'For the Lord will judge His people And have compassion on His servants, When He sees that their power is gone, And there is no one remaining, bond or free.'” Deuteronomy‬ ‭32‬:‭35‬-‭36‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. Therefore ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭10‬-‭21‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Forgiveness is sometimes very hard, especially in cases of grievous injustice. Some people call certain actions “unforgivable”. Could you forgive someone for brutally murdering your loved one? Your child? God gave His only son, Jesus, for the forgiveness of our sin. However, know that there is nothing unforgivable to God if one is truly repentant and seeks forgiveness from God through Jesus Christ. Jesus died for our sins, all of our sins, not merely certain sins but all of them.

Forgiving is not forgetting. God forgives completely and also forgets them, but people do not. Nor does forgiveness mean that we won’t have any earthly consequences. “As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalms‬ ‭103‬:‭12‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

One might commit a crime, burglary for example. If the person repents of their sin (burglary), committing to not doing so again and even apologizes to the affected people, they may obtain forgiveness if not from the burglary victims then from God, but that does not exonerate them or save them from earthly consequences. You may forgive them for their crime, but you will not forget and leave your purse or wallet open around them. There are many people in prison as consequence for their actions even if they repented.

Without going into too much detail I can tell you from experience that you can completely forgive someone and not forget. I had a relative that would commonly use the phrase “blood is thicker than water” when defending their actions or appealing to me for help (usually financial). That phrase was used as if being a blood relative meant I am obligated to entertain the request. It got to the point where every single interaction we had was a subtraction, negative. There are certain situations in which is OK to remove a toxic person from your life, especially if every or the majority of interactions are toxic, poisonous. A minor example of this that many people have experienced is in the case that a person asks to borrow money nearly every time you interact. When the phone rings and you see the number, you sigh and experience a sense of dread because you know they are going to ask for something again. Another subtraction in a toxic relationship with the person. It doesn’t matter who the person is, if they are family or not, the saying “blood is thicker than water” does not mean that because someone is related to you, you are obligated to do something for them. Helping others is noble, wonderful even, but if nearly every interaction with a person is a toxic subtraction from your life, then there is no justification. Do not continue to help especially if it is to your own detriment or to the detriment of loved ones. At some point you are not helping, but enabling them. They might not actually want rent money so much as drug money. You can pay their rent directly but at some point they are lacking rent money because they spent it on drugs and you are enabling and not helping them. It is one thing to show the love of God and to give love and other things freely, but you must have boundaries. Being Christlike does not mean being a doormat. No, it does not mean that you are obligated to give and do for others, even to your detriment. God would never ask that of you nor should you let anyone else. I get it: Sometimes it is very hard to say “no”. But there is a time for "everything under the sun" as in Ecclesiastes chapter 3.

'To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: ...A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; ...A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; ...A time to tear, And a time to sew; ...A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;" Ecclesiastes 3:1,5,7

If you find yourself in situation in which you are unsure of what to do, turn to the scriptures and pray. Also, seek godly counsel. Seek the guidance of a Christian that has been a Christian longer than you have. Seek wisdom and God‘s word and from God‘s people. Always make God your driving force behind all decisions, the wind in your sails.

““Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭31‬-‭34‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James‬ ‭1‬:‭5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Pray, ask God, seek His wisdom, pray for discernment and guidance, seek counsel from established Christians whether your minister, Bible study leader, or godly friend. Give and forgive freely, but also setup healthy boundaries and do not be a doormat. Jesus dined with tax collectors and prostitutes but he did not have them in his inner-circle of friends. Nor did he seek counsel from them or help them to his detriment (or theirs). If you give a drug addict "just five bucks, please" they are likely to spend it on their next high. Give instead to organizations and shelters that clothe, feed, and help people (that want help, want to help themselves) to get clean and sober. Give the individual a care packet with a bottle of water, granola bars or other packaged food, hand sanitizer or sanitizing wipes, tooth brush and tooth paste, a card or paper listing local resources including shelters and churches. Or buy them a meal, but do not give them cash, even change. Provide a generous hand up, not a hand-out.

Let’s start a dialogue in the chat. What is a time it was hard for you to forgive someone? How did you get through it?